Showing posts with label beirut. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beirut. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

awakening the past

This is another excerpt from my novel

I just spoke to my aunt Mona for 45 minutes. This whole research into their lives, my mother, my grandmothers, it’s making me shake up all these memories for everyone. Stories they haven’t thought of in years. And it’s funny the things you remember about someone. She was my mother’s older sister, and they slept in the same room for over 20 years. When I told her I wanted to talk to her about some stories for my book, she made a list of all the stories she wanted to share with me. And she just spent 45 minutes telling me those stories and I just felt so much closer to my mother for a moment –l guess you do live on in the memories people have of you.

“Your mother was so messy,” she tells me, which makes me smile because I am too. “She’d keep all her clothes on the bed because she couldn’t be bothered to put them in the cupboard. She had so many clothes on the bed she had to come sleep in mine! She would just shove things in the closet and close the door so that they wouldn’t fall out.” I laugh. That kind of sounds like me. And my sister for that matter.

She also told me about this man, Rene, who used to live in New York at the same time as my grandparents, in the late 40s, early 50s. She says he still sends her a Christmas card every year, and that I should call him to see if he has any stories about them for me. I get very excited about the prospect of talking to someone who would’ve been my grandmother age, 90 years old. Mona pulls out her address book. “We don’t use these address books anymore,” she says. “I only open this once or twice a year now.” I love that she still has an address book. I think of the one my mother had, it’s still by the phone in our house in Beirut. Like that’s its eternal resting place.

Mona finds Rene’s number, in Jupiter Florida. She says his wife’s name is Karen and she’s really nice, I should just call them. So I do. I don’t really think about it too much, I just dial the number and call up this 90 year old man who was friends with my grandparents 65 years ago. My heart is beating fast and I’m feeling a little shy but I do it anyway. He’s 90 years old after all.

A woman answers the phone. I’m going to take a guess and say it’s his wife.

“Hello,” I say. “Is this Karen?”

“Yes it is!” She does sounds very sweet, so I just go for it.

“This is going to sound a little strange, but I am Husni and Farida Halabi’s granddaughter. Do you remember them?”

“Ah! Yes, I do remember them! My husband must remember for sure!”

“My aunt Mona gave me your telephone number.” I explain.

I can hear her telling her husband “it’s Husni and Farida’s granddaughter.”

I imagine how surprised he must be feeling.

She passes me onto her husband.

“Hello?” he doesn’t sound like he’s 90 years old. And he also sounds very sweet.

“Hello! My name is Yasmina, I am the daughter of Ryma, she was Husni and Farida’s daughter.”

“Ah yes of course. How do you spell your name?”

I want to laugh. “Y-A-S-M-I-N-A”

“What a beautiful name!”

“Thank you! My aunt Mona gave me your phone number. You see I’m writing a book and I’m using my grandparents’ stories when they lived in New York, and I was wondering if maybe you’d have some stories for me!”

“Ah, you know, I don’t think I have any stories that would be interesting for your book,” he says. “It was such a long time ago, I don’t even remember what happened yesterday. You know, I turned 90 in October.”

I’m a little disappointed –I was hoping he would tell me an incredible story nobody knew. I insist a little more, but he doesn’t say much.

“I loved them very very much,” is the most I get out of him.

“Well, in any case, it was really nice talking to you,” I say, and I mean it. And for whatever reason, I feel like I made a new, odd connection with my grandparents' past. 


He seems happy about my call too. And I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, my grandparents are somewhere where they can see this happening, and it made them smile too.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

to tinder or not to tinder?

Two weeks in and I have to say, I think there may be a lot of good stories coming up. And that, ladies and gents, is because I have decided to play along the new way to meet people in New York, which is basically all digital. And it's changing so fast I can't keep up.

Last week, I went for dinner with a friend, and she was surprised to find out that I didn't know about the latest on the New York dating scene: Tinder. It's an app, that has sort of revolutionised cyber-dating, because it has millions of users, and tells you if you have Facebook friends in common (which is helpful if you're worried about freaks out there). Also, it's super user friendly and sort of addictive, because you get to check out hundreds of guys just by scrolling, and you X them if you don't like what see. If you do like a guy, you click "like" --and if he likes you back, then you're a match. Which means you can start chatting privately. And so, at dinner with Anna, I downloaded the app and was instantly hooked. In 24 hours, I had conversations going with Jason, 34; Tim, 29; and Jesse, 30. Weird? Definitely. Fun? Yes. And I have date.

It's the sort of thing I would've never thought I'd be doing, but here I am, dating in New York in 2014. And if that involves too much of my smart-phone, I guess it's to be expected.

So back to that date --after a small conversation on Tinder, I decided that Jason, 34, seemed nice enough for me to meet. And interesting enough too. So I said yes, let's go for drinks. I got in cab even though the place we were meeting was 15 min away walking --it's just too cold in New York City. And the cab driver turned out to be this Greek older man who had been to Beirut in 1975 when he was sailor. "You're going to meet your boyfriend?" he asked me. I said no, going on a first date. "No! Not a blind date?" Yes, a blind date, I've never met the guy. "Oh! Thank God I'm not a woman" he says in his greek accent. "I would have to date all these American men!"

I get to Miss Lily's and I look around the room, and I don't see a guy matching his picture. So I text him to let him know I'm here. "I'm here too" he answers. I'm confused. I don't see him. We exchange about 5 texts before we realise we are actually not in the same place. Finally, he walks up behind me: he actually does look like his picture.

But a picture isn't enough. Neither is good conversation, it turns out. I am happy that I actually dared to go on what was basically a blind date that started on a phone app.

I'm experiencing our times, you see --and then using it to write.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

what my sister wrote

***This post wasn't written by me. My sister, she wrote this today to mark her 24th birthday. And she made my heart swirl with happiness reading it. I'm so proud of the woman she's become.

Look at that,

I wake up this morning smiling,
because yes, I'm like a 6 year old when it comes to my birthday.
Today is my birthday; and i'm 24.
If I'm writing this today it's (I think) because I want to voice out the fact that I love my life.
I stayed in bed this morning, 30 min, it took me 30 min to look back to when I can remember till today.

Yes, I've been through horrible situations,
moments that broke my heart,
moments that took away my childhood,
moments that I carry around with me, every minute, every second of every day.

This last year scared me. May 31st 2013, was the 12th anniversary of my mom's death. 12th. 
That means I was starting on living more than I lived with her.
This is where the countdown stopped. From this moment on I can't say my mom was here for half of my life anymore.

Loosing all of these important people after loosing my mom, broke me, it teared me into pieces,
it broke my family, I felt like everything was crumbling down.
And the more i got older the harder it was, to accept everything,
The more I could see the sadness in Karim's eyes, the more my heart would stop,
The more I could read Yasmina's sadness the more my heart would stop,
The more I could see my father struggling the more my heart would stop.
Getting older I realized I had a job and a place in my family,
I realized that I live for these 3 people and they live for me.
I realized that yes I may just be a dust in the universe,
I am just one person, in a tiny country,
I can't change the world (even though I would love to)
I can't even change what is happening in the country I grew up in, my country.
But I can change their world and they can change mine.
I can make a difference in their life and oh my! they can make a difference in mine.

I look around, and see my father, who gave up his life for his 3 little babies and he did great.
I look around and see my sister, oh this woman, believe me, everything she touches becomes gold.
I look around and see my brother. My soul mate, my evil twin.
I look around and see my friends, these people that I call family, this perfectly dysfunctional family that we chose for ourselves, and I suddenly can't imagine my life without them.
I look around and realize that i don't need to change the world,
I have my own, little perfect world,
and i love it.

You people, thank you for being part of my world, thank you for making my world magic,

I'm 24 years old, and my heart didn't stop.
Instead my heart is really F***ing happy.

Monday, January 27, 2014

as of now

It's a strange feeling, being in a city that you've just moved to. That you want to make a home in, a life. It's all very exciting for me, the endless possibilities. Frightening also. I just moved to New York from Beirut, yesterday.

Let me give you some context: I'm a Lebanese girl in her late-twenties, I've lived in Beirut for most of my life except those two years when I went to Columbia University Journalism School. That's where I met my best-friend, who is letting me crash in his great Lower East Side apartment, for now. I'd been working as a journalist in Lebanon for more than five years now, and after a recent breakup and being fed-up with the social and political situation in my country, I decided to do what a lot of people have done before me: immigrate.

Hello America.

Not to talk politics here, but I have, for now at least, lost hope for my country in the foreseeable future. And maybe it's selfish of me, or unpatriotic to give up. I made this choice. Not a lot of money in my bank account, but enough to survive a while. No concrete leads on a job, but some on possible freelance work. And of course, there's this book I want to write. This novel that's been spinning in my mind for years and is ready to be written down now, I think.

You might not believe this, but in just one day, from being in Beirut to arriving in New York, my mood changed 180 degrees. I walked down Houston street at 7:30 this morning, breathing in the patches of snow left on the sidewalk, a huge smile on my face. I walked, where so many have walked before me for their dreams. New York is a city for people who want to change their lives, and I could never shake off this desire, that I want bigger things in my life.

The author of my favorite book, Frank McCourt, who wrote Angela's Ashes, came to America from Ireland when he was in his early twenties. To me, his life story, which he recounts in his book, is one of the most inspiring life experience I've read about.

In 1949, my grandmother moved to New York from Damascus, after marrying my grandfather who worked in trading textiles from China and India to the United States. My grandmother was 22 years-old at the time, and had barely ever left her neighbourhood in Damascus. Suddenly she found herself living in the Waldorf Astoria, learning English, and taking lessons in how to be a good host, and how to walk properly with high-heel shoes on.

Some 65 years later, here I am, listening to music while walking down the streets of Manhattan, making me want to dance and sing out loud and skip and twirl. For some reason, when I'm in Beirut, I never listen to music while walking. Then again I don't walk much there at all.

This is why I'm happy to be here. I can block out my own thoughts when they get to be too much. I can press pause and play music and dance on the South-East corner of the street waiting for my friend to appear. And just then, I let one thought through: I've just begun the rest of my life.